You Might Be An Iowa Sportsman If…

You Might Be An Iowa Sportsman If…

If Jeff Foxworthy is the king of Rednecks then Iowa sportsmen are king of, well Iowa sportsmen. We thought it would be fun to take a card out of Foxworthy’s deck and see what fellow Iowa sportsmen would come up with if posed the question “You might be an Iowa Sportsman if?”. So we sent out a survey and posed the question on our website to see what Iowa sportsmen thought about themselves. The answers we got could not have been better and were all across the board. Of course anytime you mention the words “you might be a_______ if” you are going to get a lot of humor involved which we most certainly did. However there were some very serious answers as well.

Please remember this is a light hearted article and just because you disagree with one answer doesn’t mean someone is painting you in that light. If you get offended, then blame your fellow Iowa sportsmen…they came up with the answers! I actually think most of us will wear the titles with pride! Below are the answers to the question “You might be an Iowa Sportsman if?” How many apply to you?

• You watch Bambi and wish you could shoot him when he matures.
• You understood the Iowa DOT Highway Alert sign when it read “Whole Lot of Rutting Going On, Watch Out for Deer”.
• Your pickup truck is two tone color; blue and dirt because you haven’t washed it all year long.
• You hit a big buck with your vehicle (unintentionally!) and don’t care about the $1,000 deductible!
• You think the Iowa/Missouri border is Interstate 80! (Sorry southern boys!)
• You say “Crick” instead of “Creek”.
• You say timber instead of forest or woods.
• Someone says nice rack and they are talking about the buck you harvested.
• You have ever put a tree stand up after dark using the headlights of a truck to see.
• Your wife asks you for vacation ideas and fishing/hunting trips come to mind.
• You refuse to shave until you have put a tag on something.
• Your daily wardrobe consists mainly of camo.
• Every year you have to explain to at least one person – non hunter – that the time change does not affect deer movements and patterns.
• On a day where you are up early/out late hunting fishing or trapping, you go from coat, to hoodie, to t shirt, to hoodie, and back to coat again!
• You’ve ever seen Shotgun 1 go from fog to snow to mush to ice in less than a week
• You’ve seen more bobcats than pheasants in the last 5 years!!
• You won’t hug/kiss your wife/girlfriend in the morning for fear her perfume will get on your scent free hunting clothes!
• You know what Tinks 69 and Rapala are makers of.
• All your buddies want you to take the pictures of their fish and deer because you know how to make them look BIGGER!
• You are not afraid to squirt some fox/coon/doe urine on your boots.
• Most of the value of your estate involves hunting and fishing gear.
• You know the opening date of every fishing and hunting season, but need help with birthdays, children’s middle names, and wedding anniversary.
• You have ever skipped a wedding, anniversary, birthday, or holiday to go hunting or fishing.
• You have your wedding, family, or senior pictures taken with camo or hunting equipment involved.
• You wore a camo tuxedo at prom.
• When interviewing for a job, you inform your new employer of the dates you need off for hunting and fishing before you agree on wages.
• Your tackle box is worth more than your truck.
• You never rake your leaves in the fall because you are gone hunting on the weekends.
• You spend more on live bait than you do taking your wife out for supper.
• Your DVR is filled with hunting and fishing shows.
• You use a grain wagon as a deer blind.
• You use a tarp and lawn chair as your goose layout blind.
• It is Jan/Feb and your walleye rig is in your heated garage while your truck sits out on the driveway because there is still open tail water below the dam.
• You are guilty of checking out iowasportsman.com during work hours.
• You smell doe pee on your hands but continue to eat jerky.
• You spend more time planting food plots than you spend in a stand over said food plots.
• You planned your wedding to avoid the prime time of the rut.
• You have secretly made a meal out of venison and fed it to someone that proclaims they will never eat it.
• You planned the birth of your child to miss hunting seasons.
• Your internet browsing history somehow causes you to receive random hunting- and fishing-related pop-up ads.
• You can pick up a newly delivered Cabela’s and Bass Pro catalog and “make time” to sit down and look through it with the same anticipation as when you were a kid looking through the Christmas catalogs to make your Christmas list for Santa.
• You walk out of Walmart with a bag of Nacho chips and Bonkers Dip Bait.
• You put your hunting clothes on outside in freezing temps in fear that a smell from inside might scare a deer.
• You have ever played the joke on someone of scattering chocolate covered peanuts on the ground and said they were deer droppings….then ate them.
• You have ever ordered the Swiss green army sweater from Cabela’s thinking you will look like the guy modeling it when you put it on.
• You refuse to pay for your daughter’s wedding if she wants it in November.
• You have ever worn camouflage to a funeral.
• You water your lawn, not to make a better lawn, but so you can pick up night crawlers.
• You have ever stepped out the backdoor naked, rolled around on the ground when it is 30 degrees out at 4:30 in the morning, to “smell more natural” before you put your hunting clothes on to go sit in the stand.
• Your credit card is from Cabela’s.
• You have more trail camera pictures than you do of your family.
• You wear socks that have holes big enough that three toes stick out but refuse to use a jig head that has a chip in the paint.
• You want to punch the next person that asks you if you “caught” a deer yet.
• You think Fifty Shades of Grey is a book on how to pick out camo.
• You can build a replica of your truck from the empty chew cans on the floor.
• You think buying your wife a new gun is a good idea because you might be able to buy a new one too.
• You calculate how much of your paycheck you can spend on fishing/hunting gear and still make ends meet.
• You have an unwavering hate for squirrels during deer season.
• You can gut a deer or fish with no issues, but changing a poopy diaper sends you into sheer panic.
• You name your kids after something that reminds you of hunting or fishing.
• Your time off revolves around the rut rather than spending time with the family.
• You carry a picture of your trophy in your wallet just in front of your family pic.
• You have dozens of hunting and fishing magazines sitting next to the toilet and it takes you 30 minutes to finish going #2.
• You suddenly start doing housework a month before season to get in some brownie points.
• You haven’t bought ground beef in months because you have a freezer full of venison.
• Your child wants to take your taxidermy to show and tell.
• You have a roll of toilet paper in your vehicle at all times because you know leaves are not a good option.
• You are one of those who forget the toilet paper and come home with one less article of clothing.
• The first outfit you bought your child was camo.
• You hang those Hunter Specialties scent wafers from your rear view mirror.
• Your ringtone is the sound of a deer, turkey, coyote, or duck.
• You take better care of your food plot than your own lawn.
• You get mad when the temperature in November climbs above 40 degrees
• Your refrigerator has a carton of night crawlers in it.
• You are not hunting you are still paying attention to the wind direction.
• You never get tired of telling the same 30 minute hunting or fishing story over and over again.
• You practice shooting your bow from your roof top, then have your kids tie the arrows onto a string so you can pull them up so you don’t have to get down to get them yourself.
• You don’t mind buying a bottle of deer pee….for $12, but complain about $3 a gallon gas.
• You have ever put that Evercalm on your armpits!
• Your gundog gets better care than your children.
• You are three months behind on bills but still buy fishing lures.
• You drive by a body of water and wonder how many big fish are in it.
• You know that Sonny’s Dip Bait is the best!
• It doesn’t bother you not to wash your hands after a day of fishing.
• You have an insurance policy for your hunting/fishing equipment.
• A deciding factor in getting married rests on how much hunting land their family has.
• Your “6” girlfriend or boyfriend just went to a solid “10” because they have hunting property.
• You can wake up at 4am no problem to go fishing or hunting but the rest of the year you struggle to get out of bed at 7am.
• You are willing to sit in a tree for 8 hours a day!
• Your wife is nine months pregnant and you still go hunting or fishing.
• You are nine months pregnant and still go hunting or fishing!
• Your neighbors look at you all weird when you are out practicing casting in the backyard.
• You have ever thought about creating dirt scented mouth wash.
• Your friend gets in a deer to vehicle accident and you ask if it was a big buck instead of seeing if everyone was okay.
• Your kid asks what Bambi would score.
• You have ever been guilty of making your 2 pound largemouth looking like a 5 pounder in a photo.
• The only seasons you care about are pre spawn, spawn, and post spawn or pre rut, rut, post rut.
• Your honeymoon was a weeklong fishing trip.
• You accidently go #1 outside of your house thinking you were still in the timber.
• If you know every county road in the area by heart.
• You honor the animals that you pursue, protect the land and waterways that you use, and promise to pass on the legacy of being a sportsman to someone else.

 

By |2019-05-09T12:57:08-05:00May 9th, 2019|0 Comments

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